a.. sinner prays(with pictures of "the arena")

I've been long absent from posting anything on my blog site so I think I'm about due.

I have been active on others' sites from time to time, but it's not the same as doing this. Truth be told, it feels kind of nice.

Of late, my focus has been to pray through my own personal rule. It sounds so easy yet in this I am confronted with the real enemy, me.

I posted these pictures to display my own little personal "arena". Here is where I come face to face with me. Here is where I love to be and hate to be. Never mind my old childish immature notions of how "I love to spend time with the Lord." Hogwash. Moments brief enjoyed to be sure, but there is so much going on that I'm missing out there. The world is rushing by and I'm here praying and missing it all.

There is rampant misinformation on the internet that needs just my touch and input to set right and I'm here doing this..., this..., this..., what?

I mean I'm fine, really. When God looks at me He sees His most stalwart ally, a man that only needs a little brushing off here and there("Thanks God for the help..ok I got it from here, Ill finish the brushing off now..I said I got it!")

And on and on it goes.

Life, at least for me, seems to unfold in an evening out process that does not long leave at peace such a man. That man is seemingly forced(if not by grace than by what?) to once again run out of himself and return as a child, to be handled, intimately handled by Him. Hard for a man who dislikes intimacy. And yet He bids me once more, "Come, Sophocles".

Our Holy Faith takes such a self sufficient man and pulverizes him against the Cornerstone. The old, apart from Him, undivinized, unhealed man cannot but give off a stench that will not allow the man to stay hidden.

The Physician is merciful and kind but He will do His work. He will re-create me in Him, I, dying and being reborn into Him one painful letting go experience at a time.

But the glory that is to be revealed in us as we truly die to this world, this life. Ah, but that.

It's taste penetrates into me from His World but I as a worthless sieve soon lose Him, His fragrance. But He continues to let me participate in His Uncreated Energies and I the shadow become more of a man, more truly who He wants me to be, more truly me, and I may now hope to hold that taste and fragrance a bit more.

A sinner such as I prays that I may not remain in the wisp that this world portrays as being permanent.

May I obtain mercy that always may I pray.